1) Last night we had rice for dinner.
2) Today was a beautiful day.
3) Our apartment is located near the dumpster.
Three separate facts. Seemingly un-related. However, they combined in a perfect storm today that resulted in this:
A. Dirty. Disgusting. Filthy. Disease-ridden. Pigeon. In. My. House.
Eating leftover breakfast bits on our table.
Eating the rice that I hadn't vacuumed up the night before under the table.
Eating a half-eaten granola bar that Grace had left near the door.
Flying around the kitchen as I screamed.
Flying around the table as I sobbed.
Flying around the living room as I cried on the phone to Mike.
(Still not sure why I called him. It's not like he could have done anything.)
Pooping. On. My. Table.
This sounds stupid, but I was seriously scared. Our apartment is really small with low-ish ceilings. Every time I went near the dumb thing that had made its way into our apartment because we had the door open on a beautiful winter day and because the pigeons live right outside by the trash and because the floor under our table must have seemed like food heaven, it flew around with its nasty wings flapping and made nasty, loud cooing noises.
And, after it flew around like crazy and swooped down at me, it settled back in our kitchen area.
Because the carpet under my table probably housed more food bits than the whole trash outside.
Seriously. I was so scared.
After about 30 minutes, Grace (who thought that this whole experience was funny and that I was a dork for crying and screaming) and I locked ourselves in the laundry room and prayed that the bird would leave. (Josh had been locked in my bedroom at the beginning of the ordeal).
We came out, put a blanket over our heads and walked toward the bird.
And because Heavenly Father loves me, the bird flew out the door just like that.
We said another prayer in thanks.
Unfortunately, I had thrown an entire package of Oreos out onto the porch, in an attempt to bribe the bird out of the house. When we left to go pick up Adam from school later, I opened the door a little and there was a flock of them on my porch. Eating the Oreos. Cooing.
The movie, The Birds, took on a whole new meaning today.
When we picked up Adam, Grace let him in on the story.
He spent the rest of the day demonstrating proper techniques for pigeon removal.
No one believes how scary it was.
However, it was terrifying.
Really.
I am determined to vacuum after every meal now.
And I have decided that when I create worlds, there will be no pigeons.
7 comments:
Oh man. I would have died! I totally understand why you called Mike. I would have called Nathan, in tears and demanded that he come home right then. He, of course, would laugh hysterically at me and insist that he couldn't possibly leave work over a stupid, half-dead cockroach ...oops, I mean bird. Can you tell I've had a similar experience?
Hailey and Kade would have loved this. They practice talking like pigeons and I'm sure would have tried to engage Mr. Rat-with-wings in a conversation.
that must have been aweful! hilarious in the way you wrote it but I seriously feel for you. I had a bee in my house once and that was pretty scary for me and I'm freaked out by birds when they fly by me...even hummingbirds. hahaha. isn't it wonderful what prayers can do.
I would be scared too. Birds are so creepy. When I would go to get our mail at our old apartment, I always steered clear of the fountain because it had birds and bees always around it. I hate birds!
You apparently were not scarred for life by the time the 8 inch scorpion appeared in baby Morgan's room, while I was in my nightgown, while Dad was at real estate school so I could not call on neighbor to kill, and it was beyond my usual sucking it up in the central vacuum like I did with little scorpions and I had to ask little Ethan to bring Mommy a shovel and I stood there screaming and hit it over and over till it was totally smushed and then I scooped the terrible thing up while crying hysterically. Oops...I think your bird fears may be genetic! So very sorry for what happened...and you were not wrong to be scared!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, but this story is hilarious! (I would have done the same thing you did BTW.) And I like the no pigeons idea, can you cockroaches to that list too?
Oh my goodness! I sat here reading your post thinking about what I would do if a pigeon flew into my house and thought that I would have probably done EVERYTHING that you did.
Anyway, send me your email and I will forward the quotes. ssjt@juno.com
Oh my goodness! I sat there reading your post thinking about what I would've done if a pigeon had flown into my house. And I'm pretty sure that I would have done EVERYTHING that you did!
Send me your email and I will forward the quotes to you. ssjt@juno.com
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