Three things:
1) Last night we had rice for dinner.
2) Today was a beautiful day.
3) Our apartment is located near the dumpster.
Three separate facts. Seemingly un-related. However, they combined in a perfect storm today that resulted in this:
A. Dirty. Disgusting. Filthy. Disease-ridden. Pigeon. In. My. House.
Eating leftover breakfast bits on our table.
Eating the rice that I hadn't vacuumed up the night before under the table.
Eating a half-eaten granola bar that Grace had left near the door.
Flying around the kitchen as I screamed.
Flying around the table as I sobbed.
Flying around the living room as I cried on the phone to Mike.
(Still not sure why I called him. It's not like he could have done anything.)
Pooping. On. My. Table.
This sounds stupid, but I was seriously scared. Our apartment is really small with low-ish ceilings. Every time I went near the dumb thing that had made its way into our apartment because we had the door open on a beautiful winter day and because the pigeons live right outside by the trash and because the floor under our table must have seemed like food heaven, it flew around with its nasty wings flapping and made nasty, loud cooing noises.
And, after it flew around like crazy and swooped down at me, it settled back in our kitchen area.
Because the carpet under my table probably housed more food bits than the whole trash outside.
Seriously. I was so scared.
After about 30 minutes, Grace (who thought that this whole experience was funny and that I was a dork for crying and screaming) and I locked ourselves in the laundry room and prayed that the bird would leave. (Josh had been locked in my bedroom at the beginning of the ordeal).
We came out, put a blanket over our heads and walked toward the bird.
And because Heavenly Father loves me, the bird flew out the door just like that.
We said another prayer in thanks.
Unfortunately, I had thrown an entire package of Oreos out onto the porch, in an attempt to bribe the bird out of the house. When we left to go pick up Adam from school later, I opened the door a little and there was a flock of them on my porch. Eating the Oreos. Cooing.
The movie, The Birds, took on a whole new meaning today.
When we picked up Adam, Grace let him in on the story.
He spent the rest of the day demonstrating proper techniques for pigeon removal.
No one believes how scary it was.
However, it was terrifying.
Really.
I am determined to vacuum after every meal now.
And I have decided that when I create worlds, there will be no pigeons.